Citizens convey the Struggle of Being with “A Mirror Dimly”
A Fine body of work that feels personal and poignant, on the crossroads of a Psalms-like tug of war between faith and doubt.
Citizens is a Christian alternative band formed during the early 2010s in the now-defunct Mars Hill Church in Seattle, Washington.
I’m still both amazed and a bit baffled on how Mars Hill, bad environment as they were, spawned my favorite roster of bands there could ever be, which includes Kings Kaleidoscope, Citizens, The Modern Post, The Sing Team, Ghost Ship, and Kenosis.
But out of all of them, It’s easy to argue that Citizens is the most accessible for congregational worship, with their skillful, almost secular sound yet accessibly potent songwriting.
They’ve been known for their first two records, Citizens (2013), and Join the Triumph (2014) full of exuberant, synth-laced modern hymns.
However, after the demise of their old church and the messy things that came with it, many in the group felt weary and agitated.
During those times, they sought more emotionally honest songwriting, dropping their keyboards, and picking up a guitar-heavy sound along with it.
This was reflected in the austere gloominess that envelops A Mirror Dimly.
The title is in reference to 1 Corinthians 13:12 which says “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
The verse itself talks about how unsure we may feel sometimes of God’s motives and plans for us, and we’ll only truly understand once we’re with him.
My interpretation is that the band felt doubtful and unsure too, and that the album was their dim mirror; full of sorrow, doubt, uncertainty, and more.
Now, the album. Though this may have your healthy balance of joyful anthems and solemn ballads, this record feels ostensibly different.
Because even on its ecstatic moments, the whole project’s sound and themes are consistently soaked in melancholy.
But don’t get it wrong, the album doesn’t signal a downwards spiral.
Instead, it’s more like a soundtrack on dealing with both madness and eventual resilience in one’s faith, especially one that’s experiencing such turmoil.
It’s quite consistent in its portrayal of emotion in both the soundscapes and the lyricism, but each track is independent enough that you don’t need to listen to the whole thing to get it.
Not to mention, wonderful signs of God, his goodness, love, and grace, are written very well here.
In some moments, even with its sadder moments, I feel relieved being reminded of many of these things.
The song Crown Him is this chaotic clash unequivocally worshipping God in a hymnal manner. The opener portrays a sense of uneasiness right before breaking away to Madness.
Madness unravels from dark places into an all-out divulgence. The raw feeling isn’t that chaotic, it’s more characterized by its overwhelming feeling of being lost, to the point of a grieving sigh. He even sighs before the bridge.
It has some of the most potent and honest lyricism overall, especially the honesty on the bridge:
“Sometimes I wish, I never was born
To feel the sting of a merciless world
The constant ache, of all of this grief
Pressing me down but it’s never defeat
Cause when I’ve reached, the end of my years
I’ll lift from the grave and I’ll bury my tears
And I will see You face to face
With brand-new eyes and a finished faith”
Faith is another living assurance of one’s, well… faith. Only this time, according to frontman Zach Bolen, it’s written in a way that sounds both like “I’m very confident” and “I must be crazy.”
I imagine this as like this shoehorned-on-purpose positive message even when the journey was far from over.
There’s no doubt it’s not a complete 180 emotionally, it’s still bogged down by a sense of doubt, like I said.
Relent doubles down on portraying a worn-out spirit, effectively the most emblematic of the whole album’s stern mood.
Day by Day is described by Zach as “coming out of the trenches” and “finding peace and belonging.” Once again it’s a strong assurance of God’s grace, one that never considers who we were before accepting Christ.
Kids is more emblematic of their sophomore sound on Join the Triumph. Some say that it’s a weak spot on the album but I quite like the song, so naturally I disagree with that notion.
How Majestic, My Joy is Complete, and Doubting Doubts is a track run I didn’t pay a lot of attention at first, but now, I find them very compelling, as they’re some of the most gorgeous mellow worship in this album.
How Majestic is a very gorgeous solemn ballad, it’s immaculate and its tenderness feels quite at home with both congregational worship and a more conceptual piece like this album.
My Joy is Complete feels like the start of the third act, a sort of satisfying resolution that sounds resilient and satisfying
While the closer Doubting Doubts is the true, more appropriate conclusion. It also serves as the polar opposite to My Joy is Complete.
That’s because the latter sounds more lively but diverges into a more solemn and quieter territory. While Doubting Doubts itself is more earnest and subdued but its blaring and satisfying outro feels very emotionally stronger.
Though the album concluded in an almost-positive sense of acceptance, with Citizens screaming “I am loved no matter what” on the top of their lungs;
The sense of uneasiness and struggle, even when it’s unrelated to Mars Hill, still took a long hard time before it would seem to be over.
In the same year A Mirror Dimly was released, Zach Bolen released his own album 1001, a more secular outing where he deals with more personal subject matter.
Three years later, now just named Citizens, they released their album Fear, a bolder-sounding ominous record that talked about personal conflicts like A Mirror Dimly.
The album strayed away from Praise & Worship and more into alternative music, much like their 2019 EP Waking Up To Never Die, which had even heavier subject matter than Fear.
However in just one year, in 2020, Citizens released The Joy of Being, a more classic sounding Worship record that felt more at joy and peace.
One of my personal favorites from the band, and a record I would love to talk about in another article soon.
So the question lies: Would this be the conclusion of it all? I don’t think I can answer that. That’s on God, really.
This is an extended version of my album review on my Instagram: The Left Ear with Lee. Be sure to follow me on Medium and on Instagram. Thanks!
